Maybe you are at that point in your life where your love life is either a hot mess or undeniably non-existent. To add salt to injury, the universe decides to play a constant reminder by pairing up those around you with their soulmates. Everyone but you has been swept up in the whirlwind of blissful romance leaving you feeling hopelessly left out. Sigh! Single life… Am I right?
Don’t get me started on how painfully lonely single life can be. Whenever you are out with your un-single friends (which seems like all of them), you end up third or fifth wheeling hard. Sure, you manage a smile, sometimes you may even make it look like you are having fun, but let’s just admit how deeply uncomfortable that can be. Oh, and guess what? Even the one person that you thought would never be in a relationship, is all googly eyes with their new-found flame. Damn! Now what?
Relax! you’re not alone, there are thousands in the same boat.
I’m pretty sure you would much rather be riding in a different boat though. Possibly one with just you and your boo gleefully sailing in the waters of life without a care in the world. Am I right?
Generally speaking, I bet you’ve tried it all!
- Asked your friends and family to hook you up
- Joined a gym to meet potential mates
- Attended a church to increase your chances of being with a decent partner
- Participated in meet-ups
- Tried speed dating and even
- Joined the online dating community
But none of them have worked so far. The connections you meet are soo…. blah! And the ones who almost made it through your Mr. or Mrs. Perfect checklist? There was just that one thing about them that automatically disqualified them from being your perfect mate. Single life sucks! The story of your life….. I know! I know!
Reasons Why The Single Life Clings To You
Honestly, chances are that you are a big contributor to your current love situation. As cliché as it may sound, you attract what you give out. If your life is a constant soap opera, then it goes without saying that you will only attract more drama in your life. For instance, look at the people who you attract in your life. Do you see similarities?
Generally, when it comes to human interactions, like attracts like. (The theory that unlike poles attract belongs in science. We are talking about people. NOT poles… so toss that theory out the window and quit using it to justify your non-functional relationships.)
For starters, you have to go back to the drawing board. Clean up your act a little… have a make-over if you may. And no, I’m not talking about cosmetic makeup. I’m talking about a wholesome makeover, that starts from the inside to the outside. A re-brand … a reinvention of yourself. Just to be clear, I am not implying that you change yourself. I am compelling you to improve yourself. Highlight your strengths, while working on your weaknesses.
See, life is like a movie where you get to choose your role. You either choose to be the star of an award-winning show (which is your life), or the fill-in extra who hardly gets a chance at shining. In order to have the love life you always desired, YOU have to be the star of your life before expecting anyone else to treat you like one.
“So how do I become the star of my life?” You may ask. “It is impossible!”
No, it is not impossible. Anything you put your mind to is absolutely possible.
A good place to start
Once you decide to take charge of your love life, here are some adjustments you have to address. These small adjustments will turn your love life around big time. Before you know it, you’ll be gleefully sailing in that dreamboat with your love.
- The attitude you have toward yourself
- Your outlook toward life
- Wrong attitudes and unfair expectations from the opposite sex
- Incorrect beliefs about relationships
- Your definition of happiness
- Strongly held opinions about love that might be inaccurate
- Existing preconceptions about relationships, the opposite sex, and love in general
Questions To Ask Yourself
Examine your life in detail. Ask yourself difficult questions. Answer them in all honesty.
- Why have your past relationships failed?
- What are some harmful relationship patterns those close to you (exes included) have mentioned?
- How confident are you in your ability to land and secure a relationship?
- Do you self-sabotage when single or when in a relationship? If yes, how?
- What is the one thing that you should change in your life (e.g. anger, selfishness, e.t.c) because you know very well it destroys your relationships?
- What are some toxic belief systems you are holding on to? Like the common misconception that you have to look like a Barbie doll to find love. RUBBISH! Or you have to be as muscular as ‘The Rock’ to get a girl to like you! HOGWASH!!!
Once you answer these questions, start changing your life accordingly. Be consistent about it too. However, don’t concentrate too much on attracting love for now. Work on yourself first. Slowly but surely, you’ll start to attract people with the same values, people headed in the same direction in life as you. A wise man once said to me, “Life is like a race, if you keep going in the direction you were meant to go, eventually someone going in the same direction will fall in step right beside you. You won’t have to change routes in search of companionship.”
When you keep this up, the right people will start showing up in your life. And who knows, one of those people might end up being your honey!